I went MIA from this new blog.  It’s just been a very crazy past couple of weeks.  A week after the fire my mom had a heart attack.  They did surgery & put 2 stents in.  They were supposed to move up here on July 4 but had to push the flight back.  They did end up getting to come on up July 11. 

I went through several days of just complete stress.  It took a lot out of me.  My mom & dad are here & we couldn’t be happier.  There’s been a ton of running around trying to get things somewhat settled not to mention we took a much needed trip to the beach for a long weekend prior to their arrival.  I had to get my mom into a heart doctor immediately (since then we’ve seen him twice & we both love him).  We had to have an echocardiogram, blood work, and an ultrasound.  We’ve been slightly busy.  My dad had to fly back to Texas to wrap up getting their things moved up here.  All in the meantime the house stuff is on my list of to do’s each day.  I am still working on the inventory (it’s hard to remember what you had, where you got it & how much it was).  There is so much I couldn’t even tell you where it came from, some that are antiques that I have no idea how I can put a price on it, etc.  I won’t lie it’s been hard. 

I am certainly trying to remain strong.  I think I’ve done an ok job but I am struggling internally…severely.  I’ve gotten a few names of some people to talk to.  I am also taking my mom to get her set up with a primary doctor on Monday.  It just happens to be the doctor that called in the fire.  I am going to ask her suggestion on someone to talk to.  My heart aches.  My mind races. I’ve had panic attacks.  I want nothing more than to say I’m ok but I’m not!  I thought I could handle this..maybe I can & this is normal!?!  I haven’t met the doctor before (even though I am a patient of the office).  She & her husband are our next door neighbors.  She was very distraught the night of the fire telling the fire chief there was no one in the home that we had not moved in.  I’ve wanted to go to her office or home to just say thank you & give her a hug, but I’ve chickened out every single time.  I’m nervous for Monday.   I’m not good at confronting my fears which is knowing I will cry.  I obviously hold things internally.

We have started on plans for the new house.  I do get excited when I see the drawings & when we talk about it.  I just wish I could wrap my head around why.  I know when the house is demoed I will feel a sense of renew…I hope.  I am angry a little I guess.  We should be living there, enjoying the beautiful outside this summer with our girls.  I want to reach out to the gentleman that we bought the house from but I am scared…not sure why.  I guess because I know I will breakdown once again. 

Where is this blog entry going?  I have no idea.  Just know I am going to keep it up because I want to document the process. 

I have promised a blog about the cause of the fire & another blog about a very generous and awesome business.  Both deserve a blog dedicated all by themselves…without any of my pity party for one blogs.

Until then – I will be back soon.

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